flurries all around

i think that the holiday season has just recently hit me..granted, i still feel its kinda early so i'm glad it is hitting me sooner rather than not at all...but i just put up some twinklies around my room so the current ambience is quite jolly and i'm sure that is helping...the holidays are a time where we take time to find that "warm" feeling..i love that commercial for kohls..the one about why we do the same things every year out of love...its such a cute commercial. if it comes on the tv the next time your sitting there watching a program..give it a chance and dont flip the channel..take my word, you'll smile. but anyway--

last night i was involved in a holiday/christmas concert...it was nice and it went pretty well which is always a good thing..i dont really find myself getting into the holidays much...last year was really bad because i can honestly say that i didnt feel that "special joy" once..but alas, this year, i feel, will be different...i can already sense the season's cheery warmth =) after the concert, i looked outside the window and to my amazement, it was snowing! mind you, i am really not one for the winter/the snow for the obvious reasons the next person doesnt like them...but for some reason, last night's snowfall was simply beautiful! it didnt stick and it didnt last long but we had just finished singing about the season and then the snow happened and i swear to god it could not have been more perfectly timed...life's a darn movie sometimes, isnt it? i happened to get a chance to go outside before it stopped..something clicked for me on those few icy steps.. i'm not sure what it is or why i've decided to blog about it..but in my eyes, the simplicity of the snow was truly remarkable...it didnt need to blizzard to get its message across, that's for sure..i feel that way about people and how we go about our everyday lives, too...i mean, why try to blizzard when all you need is a few flurries to make your point??

just a sentence

I say if you feel good with what you're doing, let your freak flag fly.

welcome to earth

i often wonder what goes through people's heads when they do something/say something that falls under one of those jaw-dropping catergories...i mean sure, it can be a good kind of jaw-drop..but nonetheless it is usually due to a shock or surprise...the unexpected is something i've decided to welcome with open arms..especially lately, with so many seriously unexpected things happening...i dont understand why things get so out of hand...one minute, life is a calm and tranquil place-- the sun is shining blah blah blah...but i dont really think i ever completely buy into that because it is only a fleeting glimpse of serenity...at some point in the cycle, things come crashing down..if they didnt, no one would come back to earth from their own "happy place" and you cant live your life up there every minute..in my opinion at least.

rambling.

there are times when i think we all feel like human wrecking balls...like anything that we do is just gonna hurt someone else...maybe that is just me, in this moment--right now...but i'd like to hope that at some point we all get this way..speaking for myself, though.because that is all one can do...right now i feel like anything i touch is just going to fall apart somehow..i know that is over-dramatic and a little absurd..but its the gosh darn truth...i find myself doing things/saying things/acting certain ways when i get into a mood like this that are simply ridiculous...i know that, when i'm talking to someone for example, and i freak out or get frustrated..that it has nothing to do with them..then i get into this whole thing..its like a pattern and it has happened numerous times...i feel bad about being wierd, then i try to explain it without actually getting into talking about things that i dont even understand (like why i actually feel off) and then i get worked up and then sound more ridiculous than i started...i dig myself into these holes in my mind and they can be pretty damn deep sometimes, let me tell ya....i dont mean to be like all negative but that is just where my mind is at right now...i dont know what to do....make up with myself? i dont think that is gonna happen cause its not about like apologizing..as much as i do all the time...cause that isnt solving anything if i dont feel better myself, and that goes for anyone..i'm sorry world, i do not mean to be sitting here rambling on about myself but its just what i felt like writing about...wait! see there i go, i just apologized right after having stated how that is a dumb thing to do (unless, of course, an apology is actually needed)...grrrr....oh well, in this life i think we are all just trying to figure it out a little everyday...a close friend of mine sent me an email today and included this quote:

"Love is not a conditional commitment to a perfect person, it is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

they did not say who said it...so for whoever said this quote, i like it and sorry i cant give ya credit! haha....the ones we love are the ones we "take it out on"...but the thing we need to remember is that they do love us...the people we love, love that we are imperfect..they love that we make mistakes...it is unhealthy to be upset about silly crap, ya no? and that isnt what i am saying...i'm not really upset about anything, especially silly crap...i dont even know if that quote really relates to what i was talking about earlier in the post but i just really liked it and it made me stop and think..hey, life's ok. so for all y'all out there right now who are wondering what its all about...just know that you are not alone...and that there is someone out there (regardless of how much you've convinced yourself there isnt) that loves your imperfections more than you will ever know.

Cash

This a post dedicated for Johnny Cash. I just saw this thing on tv about the new video for "God's Gonna Cut You Down" and then i found it on youtube and i think it is amazing. Johnny Cash is someone whose music i have grown up listening to. I think that the videos speak for themselves and that people may not understand the power of them unless you know a little about johnny. but i think by not knowing much about him you can create your own meaning to them. If you havent seen "Walk The Line" (the movie that was just made not too long ago about Johnny) i recommend it. not only will it give you background and some of his music, it is an excellent movie. This has nothing to do with the actual Johnny Cash, but for me..when i look at johnny i think of my grandpap, and there is something about the pain in their faces that i feel close to..not that i have "pain" on my face or that i have even experienced close to the kinds of pain they have...but here is this man, who just sang away his problems...i mean that is definatly over-simplifing a lot of stuff...but that was how he did it...you can hear it in his music..the reality of what he is saying, and the brutal honesty gets me everytime..and somehow it seems that it is a universal kind of hurt...for me, johnny's voice is comforting and brings me back down to earth in those times i feel that either (a) the world is ending or (b) that life is a perfectly wonderful place....his music is a steady reminder for me and a even though he passed away on September 12, 2003 (from diabetes complications) god knows his music will never die.



johnnycash.com (check it out for more info)

thanksgiving.

So, it would be that time again....stuffing, turkey, football, or whatever other thanksgiving day cliche we have all been born and raised knowing..personally, that is not how it works for me..i have never tasted stuffing, cant stand football, and well turkey is turkey and simply not all that exciting...but i'm sure that is the line-up of the day for most people..i mean these stereotypes have got to be coming from somewhere, right? hmm i dont know.

so what exactly are we celebrating today? well i consulted wikipidia and this is what it says: "Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is an annual one-day holiday to give thanks (traditionally to God), for the things one has at the close of the harvest season." I'm sure we all knew that answer but sometimes i wonder if anyone actually thinks about it...it is, afterall, more than just a day to get fat and be lazy....let's see, what am i most thankful for? that's a toughy. when we were younger (here i go with youth again) we said the things it was understood that we were supposed to say "i am thankful for my family and friends" "I am thankful for food" "I am thankful for my home"...and DO NOT get me wrong me, i am thankful for each and every one of those things and am not one to take for granted that stuff. i'm just saying...i think as time progresses the things we're most thankful for begin to emerge as more than just family/friends/food/shelter/water (the necessities of life) but again, what am i most thankful for? I have no idea. and why do we have to dedicate a day to show we actually are thankful for these things? it is like valentine's day, why do we need a day to show the one we love just how much we care? we should be thankful everyday for everything that we have...so we'll all sit down (hopefully), some of us will "over-drink", most of us will "over-eat"...and we should take time to say wht we're thankful for....or at least think about it for a minute....since it IS thanksgiving and we have a damn day devoted to doing just that...so, i'm thankful for _______ (fill in the blank). on that note, happy turkey day, and thank god it is the close of the harvest season =)

The First Thanksgiving (Jean Louis Gerome Ferris)

annd i'm back...

i was just listening to the song "Wrath Pinned to the mist (and other games)" by Of Montreal..and i just wanted to share the lyrics with ya if you are not familiar with them:

Let’s have bizarre celebrations
Let’s forget who forget what forget where
We’ll have bizarre celebrations
I’ll play the Satyr in Cypris you the bride being stripped bare

Let’s pretend we don’t exist
Let’s pretend we’re in Antartica

Let’s have bizarre celebrations
Lets forget when forget what forget how
We’ll have bizarre celebrations
We’ll play Tristan and Izolde but make sure I see white sails

Maybe I’ll never die
I’ll just keep growing younger with you
And you’ll grow younger too
now it seems too lovely to be true
but I know the best things always do

let’s pretend we don’t exist
let’s pretend we’re in Antartica
(http://www.ofmontreal.net/sunlandiclyrics.html#wraith)


------If you are not familiar with Of Montreal you should definatly give them a shot!....this song is actually the one for that annoying Outback Steakhouse commercial...you know, the one that you always hear on the radio..."leetts go ouutback tonighttt" oh dear, advertisements today. i'll tell ya. but i really like this idea of pretending not to exist. not in an "emo" way or anything (i hate that word by the way with a passion and resent the fact that i just used it, but that can be for another post..haha, i can see it now "why i dont like the word emo"...oh well). sometimes though, i think that is what we all feel like..i know recentely that i've really wanted to pretend that i dont exist..i guess posting blogs isnt really me getting away from it all..but in a way it is..hmm i dont know...and the idea of "growing younger" is something i really like because it is the complete opposite of reality...i mean technically we are all dying a little everyday....cause that isnt a morbid thought at all right? i dont know about you...but growing younger sounds good..i'm not saying that in the sense of like "wow, i am sooo old i want my youth back blah blah blah" cause let's face it, i'm not old and plus ya cant stop time anyway..i just think that the idea of being younger each day is something we should all consider....when you're young you see things that people often cant find the time to see...we are all so busy each day, and even when we arent doing something of importance...there is still something to do...no one can just BE.... i'm not trying to speak for the world here, but you have to agree with me on some level...the "magic" in stuff fades as time goes on....i miss that magic...so here i am, just blogging away my thoughts, pretending i dont exist, and growing younger with each minute that passes.

i'll see ya in antartica =)

Hello World

So I got up this morning and said to myself..hey! I think i'll create a blog and let the whole world know what I'm thinking..not that i actually believe "the whooole world" is going to look and/or care, but that is beside the point. i dont really know what a blog is supposed to be for or whether or not this whole thing is going to work..however, i love to write and this is a way for me to do that...so word...the title of my blog is "Where is my mind?" after the wonderful pixies song..i named it this cause who knows where their mind is...god knows i have no clue....such is life.... i guess i'll just see how it all goes =)

Lately I have felt that things have been relatively "confused" for everyone. life is strange and sometimes i think that karma/god/whatever a person believes in, is just there laughing at us. i'm not trying to be blasphemis or anything of that nature of course...i'm just saying that there is only a certain amount of craziness one can take before you have to just sit back and laugh at it all, but to each their own..in my opinion though, laugh on, world, laugh on =)

that is all for now. i look forward to posting more....if you find the time to read my silly little blog about what goes on inside my head...good luck to you!

peace and love =)